Kids these days...

The following questions were set in last year's NCEA level 1 examinations.

These are genuine answers from 16 year old pupils who all live in one of our major NZ cities

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow

Q. How are the main parts of the body categorised (eg the abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.
The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O and U

Q What is the fibula
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure
A. A Roman Emperor

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning

A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face

Q What does the word 'benign' mean
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q What is a turbine
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

Hit The Road...

Jack

Shock...

I was pretty shocked to hear this. Remember watching the Kung Fu the legend continues back in the day and most recently the Kill Bill movies which I loved!

Rest in peace my man, a bit sad that you might have taken your own life but hey to each its own. A bit more disturbing was in the details of that, but I'l let you read the article and concur or disagree.

In other news, work has been crazy busy. No not busy, CRAZY busy! One of the branches in Australia is having to administer 9 day work fortnights and retrenching some of the redundant staff. Me thinks Auckland branch is not too far off that 9 day option. Helps that I have some leave available. It probably will get worse for the economy before it gets better, so hang on tight!

Can't believe that the football season is over... not good. Withdrawal symptoms starting to show slowly. Subject is in need of a season review for Manchester United 2008/2009.

Add that to the fact it has been ridiculously cold that your nuts become a NUT! Not cool, that and winter isn't officially here yet... greeaaatt.

New additional to the household, Jack. Picture to come shortly. Very cheeky and cute. Crate training is in store for the lil one soon.

Labyrinthitis

It was last Saturday that I had the misfortune of experiencing the condition above. Not very pleasant I must say. Most Saturdays I would be up by 9-10 or so when I woke up about 12/1 and almost instantly fell back on the bed I was like... whoaaah Nelly! Dizzyness galore, and thought maybe I just needed more rest... so back to bed and next thing I know I was getting a phone call about 3pm! The missus was like WHERE ARE YOU?... I had slept through my FIVE alarms I set. Managed to steady myself, picked up the missus and got some more rest. It seemed like whenever I lay down or moved to fast... helloo dizzyness. It was like being totally wasted without any alcohol! Sunday wasn't any better, and Monday I managed to drag myself to work but was talked into seeing the doctor. So walked next door to the doctor which I haven't been in the last 2-3 years!

The doc was friendly enough, wasn't there for more than 10 minutes. Her advise was the best, just keep doing what you're doing! No medication, which was alright too.

Suprising got a $20 discount for signing up with the clinic, hey never say no too cheaper medical advice. Apparently I was meant to pay $60 and for some reason or another in 3 months time if I came back again it would be $40, but I wasn't complaining ya know.

Took Tuesday off just to recover fully, only concern I had was the doctor said more rest wouldn't make a difference and let me tell you IT DID!. Wikipedia said rest would help, doctor said it wouldn't. I suppose to each its own. Back at work now, but would say I'm at 90% capacity, as opposed to Monday when I was at 60%.

From Wiki

"Labyrinthitis is a balance disorder. It is an inflammatory process affecting the labyrinths that house the vestibular system (which sense changes in head position) of the inner ear.

In addition to balance control problems, a labyrinthitis patient may encounter hearing loss and tinnitus. Labyrinthitis is usually caused by a virus, but it can also arise from bacterial infection, head injury, extreme stress, an allergy or as a reaction to a particular medicine. Both bacterial and viral labyrinthitis can cause permanent hearing loss, although this is rare."

Suprisingly, when it came to 3 days of CONTINUOUS poker, I was just fine and dandy. Funny that! =) Some would call that dedication to the cause, others.... an Addiction. I shall go with ....dedication.... for now.

Unfuckingbelievable!!

Its 5am, and I have probably just watched one of the most thrilling games of football in a while. Manchester United v Aston Villa. Already missing the top 2 strikers and top 2 defenders United started well and went ahead 1-0. But credit where credit is due, Villa were matching United stride for stride and it wasn't too much of a suprise when they equalised. Then, shock...horror they took the lead in the second half. 10 minutes to go, Ronaldo pops up with his second to tie the match up. Then the 2nd half substitute Macheda who on his DEBUT, on the 92nd minute... scores an absolute peach of a goal to win in. In between all that, I probably had about 3-4 minor heartattacks!

All in all, I am thoroughly pleased. It has been a bitch of a month, losing to liverpool then fulham. Needless to say, United had to win this game and we have. Now we press on, hope we twat Porto on Tuesday.

Are you watching Benitez! =)

A Long Time Kambing

It has been ages and I really mean AGES since I have had a Friday to really just Chill da hell out at work. So naturally after some paperwork tidy up, the next LONG thing on my list has been to update the blog. There there, I haven't discarded you, Plus even Nats & Astrid have popped by every now and then to make sure you were still alive... AND you were!! Phew :)

Anyhoo, Who hasn't wanted to get a Nintendo Wii. I know I have, looks cool plus as every other 'big boned' person says... you can even get some exercise on it! (and not just with your thumbs eh!)

That said a poor chap in Ingerlund passed away playing the Nintendo Wii, turns out he had a Syndrome called, Sudden Adult Death Syndrome. When I first read that I thought, wow what a cool made up disease. But apparently it is real and it kills 500 people a year! Not quite AIDS and Cancer you say, but still not something I would wish upon anyone. Apparently it's also known as
Sudden Arrhythmia Death Syndrome.

Why do people do the things they do? A Moron in Washington decided to pay his bill this way. I mean really?? Come on dude, was it really necessary? I think not.

Oh and for those who haven't seen Ricky Gervais stand up comedy, Out of England, GO WATCH IT! Hopefully you like his sense of humour, it was very entertaining.

Also saw the movie Watchmen a few weeks back, man was that strange and kinda interesting. It was very long, just under 3 hours, some bits were a bit too draggy but overally it was like a different take on superheroes. That said, I could have used some of the good ol quality Malaysian censorship board for this movie. If you watch the uncensored version (I am presuming the one shown in Malaysia, if it was shown would have been censored) you will see what I mean. I could have really done without those scenes! Truly could have, I think the movie would have a little better had they managed to cover up a little.

Haven't had a chance to go watch Slumdog Millionaraire yet but that is on the list, looking forward for Transformers 2 and *cough cough...Megan Fox. =)

And that is a good way to end the blog, with Megan Fox. Here to a Legend... wait for it... wait for it.. DARY weekend!

Laterz.

Men Can Multitask